By: Monk
I recently took a trip to Colorado to visit some friends
and to see the Rocky Mountains. All along the trip, the Pennsylvania tags on
my sportster drew comments ranging from “How far did you have to trailer it?”
to “That sure is a long way to go on a bar-hopper!”
Now admittedly, when you think “touring bike,” the Sportster
is probably not the first machine that comes to mind, but to exile the Sportster
to bar-hopper land is to sell it short, because, with a little bit of effort, it
can actually be set up as a halfway decent touring machine.
Not many people realize it, but the Sportster is actually
the single most popular motorcycle in America. Not bad for a bike which is
often derided as a “girl’s bike” or a “piglet”. But the combination of its
popularity and its reputation means that there are a lot of Sportsters sitting in
garages around the country with less than 10,000 miles on the ticker. If yours
is one, I hope this article enables you to see the light and unlock your bike’s hidden
potential.
Why a Sportster?
Since you are reading this article, I am going to assume
that you’ve already decided to buy a Harley for whatever reason, so I’ll restrict
my discussion to a comparison between Sportsters and Big Twins, since comparisons
between every brand on earth could fill a book.
First off, the Sportster weighs in at a mere 500 lbs, which
is considerably less than its big brothers. This, combined with its reptilian
maneuverability, makes for a bike that is easy to muscle around in town, especially
if you’re not very big. If I’m making a U-turn in a gravel parking lot and
my back tire mushes into the gravel, I don’t worry, I just kick the bike up again-not
so easy to do on an 800 lb monster. In my mind, the Sportster fills the gap
between full-size cruisers and sport bikes like the Buell.
The second reason is a big one: Price. MSRP
for an 883 Sportster is around $5,500; unquestionably a lot of bike for the money.
If you buy a Big Twin for $16,000 and you have to finance it, depending on the interest
rate, it may end up costing you more like $25,000. If you can afford to buy
the Sporty in cash, you’ve just saved yourself $19,500 to blow in Laconia…Once I
tell you how to get there without your ass falling off.
Limitations
Your Sportster is never going to be an Electra Glide,
no matter what you do to it, so here are a few caveats:
If you are over 5’10”, the frame is probably going to be
too small for you. If you plan to do a lot of two-up riding, the Sportster
will not allow for any space between you and your passenger- she will be pressed
right up against your back. Trust me, no matter how much of a breast-man you
are, this will get old fast.
Ok, so you’re not too tall, plus you’re either chronically
single, your SO doesn’t like to ride, or best of all, she rides her own. Read
on…
The Bare Necessities
At a bare minimum, it is absolutely necessary to get
rid of the stock handlebars and saddle; neither is intended for all-day riding.
Many aftermarket companies, including Corbin and Mustang,
make saddles for Sportsters, but you don’t want the 1” thick show bike saddles- get
a touring seat. I have a Mustang Solo Classic, and it does the job admirably
well.
So far as handlebars go, I can’t tell you what to buy because
everyone’s body is different. You best bet is to ride to a Harley dealer who
has a wall-display full of handlebars, pick a pair that looks comfortable, carry
it to the parking lot and sit on your bike. Hold the bars approximately where
they would be if they were mounted. (It helps to turn the existing bars to
the side). Keep doing this until you find a comfortable pair. I ended
up with longhorn bars- wide pullback buckhorns, which I think are intended for a
Softail. You will probably need a longer clutch cable and brake line, but don’t
be discouraged- the results are well worth it.
Next, if you’re bike doesn’t already have highway pegs,
get some. If you want to install forward controls, bear in mind that you will
probably have to remove the mid-pegs to make room for the shifter and brake linkages.
This means you will only have one position available, and any one position will become
painful if held for more than a couple of hours. The mid-peg/highway peg combination
is not only cheaper, it may actually be better.
Vibration
As anyone who owns one will tell you, Sportsters vibrate.
The aftermarket has some fairly expensive vibration dampers available, but there
are cheaper alternatives.
First off, if you’ve installed those groovy chrome foot
pegs with the black O-rings, put the stock ones back on- they actually do a fairly
good job of isolating the rider from the vibration. Next, to reduce the vibration
in the handlebars, you can silicone a roll of nickels in each bar-end. By adding
mass, you will lower the resonant frequency of the bars, hopefully below idle.
Any weight will work, but the nickels are convenient because they’re the right diameter.
A Little Place for you Stuff
You’ll want to install a pair of saddlebag support rails,
to keep the bags away from the shocks. There are plenty of el-cheapo throw-over
bags on the market; I like these because they’re easy to remove for in-town riding.
A sissy bar will make it easier to tie more stuff (like a bedroll) to the back, but
if you don’t want one, that’s fine. I don’t have one, and I just tie the bedroll
down to the saddlebag rails. It works fine.
One of the unlovely facts about soft throw-over bags is that, although the synthetic
leather that they use to make them is waterproof, the bags themselves are not. Water
will seep in through the openings, particularly in a heavy rain at highway speed.
I use one-gallon Ziploc bags to seal up my clothes, my cell phone and anything else
that I don't want getting wet. When packing the clothes, close the bag most
of the way, squeeze all the air out, then close it the rest of the way. If you do
this correctly, the package should look like one of those packets of freeze-dried
food that they give to astronauts.
Breaking Down
We don't like to think about this, but it happens to everyone sooner or later.
If you're broken down by the side of the road, don't count on anyone stopping to
help you. The Car People certainly won't, and even other bikers will frequently blow
by you or (believe it or not) even wave at you. At a time like this, a cell phone
and a roadside assistance plan are good things to have.
All roadside assistance plans are not created equal. When shopping for one, be sure
to ask if they guarantee to send you help within some specified period of time. Many
do not; all they promise to do is make some calls for you, and if they don't get
a hold of anybody, you're shit out of luck. I have AMA's roadside assistance. They
guarantee that someone will come within 48 hours, usually much faster if you're not
in the middle of nowhere.
As far as cell phones go, I hate the fuckin things and I'm sure you do, too. I want
it for emergency use only, and I don't want yet another goddamn bill coming in the
mail every month. It just so happens that AT&T has a pre-pay plan which covers
the whole continental United States. You can buy a new card whenever you run low
on time, and you'll never get a bill. It's a deal that's definitely worth checking
out.
Even with these precautions, you should carry a tool roll. There are a lot of places
where cell phones can't get a signal, and you shouldn't rely too heavily on outside
help. Here's what I carry:
Spare plugs and a gapping tool
Set of wrenches
Set of Allen wrenches
Screwdriver with magnetic bits, including a T27 Torx for removing the derby cover
Tire irons, patching kit (I have spoke wheels), small hand pump
Needle nose vise grips
I think this is pretty much the bare minimum. Obviously,
the more you can make room for, the better.
Conclusion
So that’s it…Remember, it’s not an Electra-Glide-you’re
not going to do 500 mile days, but you can do 300 to 400 mile days, day after day.
And if it takes you longer to get there, that’s OK, because you can now afford to
take more time off work with all the money you’ve saved. So turn off this goddamn
computer and go ride! 
Monk (formerly known as Rev. Jon) hacks code for a living and has recently
finished a masters degree in mathematics at Drexel
University. He runs the Malcontent
Yuppie Biker's Homepage, and is also an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church. (Check out the ULC
if you too want to become an ordained minister over the web. This is not a joke,
and it's perfectly legal). The Reverend's hobbies include dabbling in art, music,
winemaking and fiction writing. He rides his ass off on his little
black Sportster whenever possible.
