Updated 7/24/07 ---- and still in progress eh?

Q. What is the UTMC?

The Underground Terrorist Motorcycle Cult is a worldwide disOrganization devoted to the cultivation of a new motorcycle culture, free of the bullshit and dogma associated with what is commonly known as "the biker lifestyle".

Q. What is this "bullshit and dogma associated with the biker lifestyle" that you refer to?

If you are like most people who ride motorcycles, you've seen all the stupid garbage in the movies and thought "what a load of crap, motorcycles aren't all that goofy". Of course you have heard all sorts of stories and urban legends too, so what to believe? Head to a few motorcycle rallies like Sturgis, or get int osome conversations with the kind that like to call themselves "real bikers", and you'll get the strangest bunch of horseshit you've ever heard in your life. When you're done listening (if you can sit through all of it), you'll have forgotten it had anything to to do with motorcycles in the first place. Here's a good example of a big pile of the steaming bullshit we're talking about, a we page called :

Motorcycle Club & Riding Club Education

....and yes, I'm sure they'll be sending me death threats because I didn't follow some bullshit rule they made up about "you should not link to a bro's page unless he links to your page first. If he doesn't do that, you are not bros, you are at war and should enter an arena naked, greased with lard and with bowie knives in your teeth."

Q. What is a disOrganization?

A disOrganization is like an organization, except without all the bullshit. in a disOrganization you do not need to:

-pay dues

-go to meetings

-obey a book

-follow rules

-swear to an oath

-marry your sister

-marry your brother

-kill your mother

-hand over all of your worldly posessions

-eat the pudding

-drink the kool aid™

-hang out with, or pretend to like people that belong, just because they are part of the disOrganization like you. It's actually totally ok to tell someone in a disOrganization that you just don't really like them, the chemistry isn't there; it's totally ok.

The point of a disOrganization isn't to have some SACRED UNBROKEN BROTHERHOOD THAT WILL LAST TILL THE END OF DAYS!!!! That's what the Masons, Scientlology and MMORPGs are for. a disOrganization is a thing where people of like mind and similar goals can forward new ideas and make change in a world that has way too much bullshit. A disOrganization can also be social and often create very strong bonds between people, it is not however a neccisarry objective. This allows it to become something that can be worldwide in it's ambition, but very personal among the individuals. It's a very free environment.

Q. Is the UTMC one of those militia groups?

HELL NO! The UTMC is not a miltitia group and is not afilliated with any militia, terrorist, neo-nazi, right wing, religious fanatic, supremacist, quazi-military, doom cult, satanic freak, anti government or sewing circle group in any way shape or form.

Q. What's with the Name?

It's a name man, like the band the Dead Kennedys, Jello Biafra never killed any of the Kennedys, Same with Skinny Puppy, they have nothing to do with anorexic canines. We just wanted some cool subversive anti-normality name to throw on the front page. Really, if we were really a true "terrorist cult" we wouldn't advertise it all over the internet, not unless we wanted black helecopters and unmarked government vehichles near our homes all of the time. (they totally do that shit too).

Or, if you've been awake for a few days, the unmarked choppers are already spinning over your house and you dig sniffing glue, you can get your groove on with THIS.

Really, we drink coffee, ride motorcycles, that sort of thing. Everything else is what you bring to it.

Q: Where is the UTMC based/located?

Look around you

Q. what the hell is wrong with you people?

where should we begin...

No, we aren't. The girls tho, they are 100%!

We're still working on that, for now you can just piss on the chevy truck website.

Yes, it keeps it from rusting (the Russians thought it up)

Q: What do you folx ride?

A little of everything, we dig riceburners, krautburners, Huckleberry Davidsons, Her majesty's royal sickles, spaghettirockets and occasionally something strange like a Jawa. We dig 2 and 4 strokes, crotchrockets, trikes, choppers, cruisers, off road, dual purpose, scooters, minibikes and especially streetfighters. We ride pretty much anything and everything.

Q: How many UTMC members are there?

All of us. Ok, I guess a few thousand maybe? It's tough to tell since there isn't an official list anywhere.

Q. whats a "skippy"?

The idiot yuppie screds that buy the fanciest most expensive bikes they can find and then put as few miles as possible on them as possible while going around trying to find "lifestyle clothing" like Harley Davidson underwear. Ok, it can be any brand of motorcycle underwear (I don't think the BMW™ Thermal®™ UnderHozen™® counts actually, nobody would wear that to get street cred).

Q. Why does it take you so long to update the page?

I'll get back to you on that

Q. What is a Flender™?

A Flender™ is a fender+flyscreen sometimes found on dual purpose/off-road/super motard motorbikes. The term Flender™ was coined by Pattio:

I just read about the new KTM 690 over at motorcycle daily:

It may be the ugliest motorcycle I've ever seen, and I think I'm in love.
The combination flyscreen/front fender is amazing- its a flender™! It looks like a puppydog or the protagonists from spy vs spy...

The Shifty Jesus pointed out the Flender™ prototype may actually be the skull of a recently missing Big Bird:

He also noted KTM's experimentation with the UNFlender:

And finally ProblemAddict shows us that Italy is also getting in on the Flender™ action:

In a stroke of brilliance, Pattio trademarked the Flender™ name. Now when people go drinking, they don't just have to go on a bender, they can go on a Flender™! Also to come will be Hot Dog Flenders™, Flender Guitars and everyone's favorite, Frog in a Flender™! I've gone through and added the following fine print everywhere Flender™ appears:

The name Flender™ is a trademark of Pattio JavaSpeed, of JavaSpeed Scooters. Copyright 2006, JavaSpeed Scooters 1284 North Main St. Providence RI. 02904. All Rights Reserved.

Q. what was that standard MoraleHazard disclaimer again?

A.


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